Wasalam
May Allah bless you.
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In Islam, the parents are responsible for their children. If a man believes that Islam does not require him to change the children’s nappies and that it is the woman’s responsibility, then the burden of proof is on him to demonstrate his point.
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In Islam, the husband is responsible to provide financially for his wife throughout her entire life even though she might have other sources of income. If your husband feels he is being burdened by covering yours and your children’s cost, then he should rethink about his budget, and take a course or advice on how to save money/manage the finance. You can share with him the following link on this topic:
Planning your finances - budgeting, saving, investing - IslamicFinanceGuru — Islamic Finance Guru -
If he wants to hide money at his mother’s house then that’s his choice as it is his money. What’s important is that he provides for his family and pays his zakat, as he will be questioned about this money on the day of judgement. Similarly it is important that he pays the taxes the money he is hiding as he might be questioned by the tax man too.
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Looking after your in laws is not your responsibility and not compulsory. If you do, then it is considered as a favour and inshaAllah you will be rewarded for it.
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I understand that it is heartbreaking to be called a bad mum when you are trying hard to please everybody. Be patient about the bad thing people say to you. But, seek counselling in the future to discuss these issues. Avoid confrontation as it usually causes more problems than it solves. Sometimes people act in a certain manner and say certain things because of the lack of understanding of Islam and morality. Try to speak to your husband first and make him understand how you feel about everything. If he does not want to listen then try to arrange for someone you both trust to speak to him nicely.
And Allah knows best!