Help regarding finances whilst on maternity leave

Everyday Islamic Finance Personal and Family Finance
#1

Salaam

I needed some clarification, I think I already know the answer but wanted further guidance, so please help.

I have had two children, one after the other. I fell pregnant whilst my first born was 4 months. So I had to leave on second maternity straight after my first maternity leave finished. I went from being the breadwinner in the household to not earning much and at the moment I’m on zero pay. Both my kids are very young - 1 and half year old and the other one is 5 months. When I only had 1 child my husband didn’t ever make a feed or change a nappy but now I have two I struggle alone and ask for help. Islamically is he ok to change a nappy as he believes he doesn’t need to?

Secondly - I have asked for some money to help towards grocery costs and the children’s costs - nappies etc. I also pay the WiFi for the house, both our phone bills, and insurance. Before I used to pay for all holidays and gas and electric on top and bought everything that was needed in the house. Literally everything small or big. He has finally started to give me £300 a month to help towards all of that But kept complaining that it’s too much of a burden on him. In reality he makes £3000 a month and the mortgage and council tax only tots up to £650.

As he was saying he was struggling I tTied to make money on the side to help cover mine and the kids costs for which him and his entire family are calling me a ‘ greedy mum’ who is ‘neglecting her kids’ as I am too busy making money. Truth is I didn’t even make enough to cover costs. I have nothing saved up in my account. And today it turns out he has been saving money - cash, at his mums house. His mum is wealthy and does not need money so I don’t understand why he’s saving money there. What is the Islamic teaching on this? Is he allowed to hide money like this? Especially when we need it as a family?

His parents have also been having a go at me saying I’m a bad mum. Is the responsibility of looking after the children all mine? This includes, doing everything for them, ie every nappy feed etc, and not asking him to play with the children whilst I am cooking a meal for us to eat as well?

Please help as I am really struggling and just need to know what Islam says about finances and looking after children

Jazakallah

#2

Wasalam

May Allah bless you.

  1. In Islam, the parents are responsible for their children. If a man believes that Islam does not require him to change the children’s nappies and that it is the woman’s responsibility, then the burden of proof is on him to demonstrate his point.

  2. In Islam, the husband is responsible to provide financially for his wife throughout her entire life even though she might have other sources of income. If your husband feels he is being burdened by covering yours and your children’s cost, then he should rethink about his budget, and take a course or advice on how to save money/manage the finance. You can share with him the following link on this topic:
    https://www.islamicfinanceguru.com/personal-finance/planning-your-muslim-finances-for-2020/

  3. If he wants to hide money at his mother’s house then that’s his choice as it is his money. What’s important is that he provides for his family and pays his zakat, as he will be questioned about this money on the day of judgement. Similarly it is important that he pays the taxes the money he is hiding as he might be questioned by the tax man too.

  4. Looking after your in laws is not your responsibility and not compulsory. If you do, then it is considered as a favour and inshaAllah you will be rewarded for it.

  5. I understand that it is heartbreaking to be called a bad mum when you are trying hard to please everybody. Be patient about the bad thing people say to you. But, seek counselling in the future to discuss these issues. Avoid confrontation as it usually causes more problems than it solves. Sometimes people act in a certain manner and say certain things because of the lack of understanding of Islam and morality. Try to speak to your husband first and make him understand how you feel about everything. If he does not want to listen then try to arrange for someone you both trust to speak to him nicely.

And Allah knows best!

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Husband's pocket money
#3

Wa alaykum salaam

I am sorry to read of your situation. Mufti has addressed your queries from an Islamic perspective comprehensively. I wanted to add that some aspects of your story may amount to financial abuse by your husband. Financial Abuse is recognised as a form of Domestic Abuse in the UK.

I recognise the severity of what I am claiming. Please see the guidance here with regards to financial abuse:
https://blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2019/06/martin-lewis--financial-abuse--joint-accounts-and-managing-money/#signs

I understand that there may be cultural pressures within your family/in-laws and these discussions may even be considered taboo, however please recognise that what may be happening to you may be unlawful. As Muslims we also follow laws in the country in which we live. If you are struggling to this extent and have not found a resolution, please consider contacting Women’s Aid or the National Domestic Violence Helpline (the number for the latter is in the link I provided) to get some more qualified advice.

JzkAllahkher
Nawaaz

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