Selamün aleyküm; I hope one you Muslim brother will answer my question which is really important for me. Actually it’s might be a milestone for me.
I met 10 months ago with my fiance. We meet in person and we discussed everything between us and we agreed most of the major things. Everything was okay from both sides and we had a plan that we will not make the marriage delayed, will marry asap to avoid any haram since we both feel comfortable after istihare pray.
But our plan has upside down since his mother made a huge mistakes. May Allah forgive her, she seems has some own problems which is not speakable. She kicked him from the house. (For their own problems)
Since then which is around 7 months by now he moved a place close to me and I always help him as much as I can. Which ; food, outing, clothes etc. Same time I try to but some products step by step to prepare the dowry. He is working and his salary lower than mine. I did that because he really never spends anything to his self. Always gives me the money whatever left from him but I pay for his expenses double or triple amount than he gives me.
By the time which is now we supposed to marry by our plan at December 2023 max, now it’s end of April 2024. He doesnt have any money in the corner. Now he ask from me to give him loan for marriage, renting house expenses, furniture etc. (everything). It’s a huge amount from my side. But I can effort it. But I am getting annoyed by that I have to pay everything even it he calls as a loan. I feel i am getting used.
For the clarification; he is orphan and I have no family member. He has mother and 2 other brothers. Which his mother and brothers lives abroad. He is all alone here unfortunately. Even his father family doesn’t help him. And his brothers are Start to work newly.
He is good person but whenever I feel scared or thoughtful regarding this matter I found him screaming at me instead of calming me.
I feel like it’s a test from me to help him but in the same time I feel like stupid for doing all this efforts while he just sitting as he his. (He could work another job, he could work so hard to collect money but always he count on me or this is I feel.)
From Islamic side is this normal? Even I didn’t ask for Maher, any kind of gold except the ring. I feel like so bad situation I am in when I look other girls. In the same time I am comforting my self with Allah’S judgement. And I feel if I help him maybe Allah will reward me. But the days we live Ya Allah so hard. I see every girl get whatever they demand… I don’t get jealous but even when my demand was the lowest now I have to pay everything in order to not keep longer … I really doesn’t know what to do? I talk to him regarding that matter he is not helping me, only screaming (like I made a mistake to ask loan from you, okay wait for me 2 years and I will collect money by then) if there will be more 2 years from Islamic aspect we can’t be together now, so we need to stop talk and okay come back after 2 years, no he doesn’t accepting it too.
I am 28 years old he his 30 years old. But most of the times I feel like I am his mother. Instead of seeing him as a man that I am going to marry.
I hope one you consider me as one of your sister. And I hope you would advice me Islamic aspect and as a brother advice. Thank you in advance I will be waiting for your reply. Selamün aleyküm